cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
