Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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