So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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