Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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