what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize