i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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