I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
