I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
