Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
