forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
