pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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