Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
NoShamevember. You game?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
