She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will pee on everything he values.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
