Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
