Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
