She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
