I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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