Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
