is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
