stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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