Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
