it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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