Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
