The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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