I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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