Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
