Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
