I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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