If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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