I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
