I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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