ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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