btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
