guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
high people should be assigned attendants
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You've changed since you got that strap on
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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