the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
