I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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