I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize