my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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