Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
