The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
