What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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