I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
