He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
