Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
