I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
