Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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