So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
