Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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