i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
