Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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