Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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