i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
