I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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