He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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