I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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