I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize