i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
