Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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