They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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