I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
