just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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