I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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