So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
