Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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