Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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