John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
