I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
