i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
