he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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