Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize