You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
