my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
