Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
