Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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