I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
