You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize