His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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