he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
