Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize