lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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