IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
