evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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