Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He shit in the fireplace
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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